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Suburban Child

by John Greska

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1.
The Big Hill 03:24
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I've got a lot of plans for the future For now I'm small and you're all so big Dad says it's snowing you know what that means Let's go sledding down at the hill Minutes go by and the minutes they fly And we have no time to waste In the haste of What makes us young Sun could set so we gotta go get And slide down the snowy hillside Cause the day Has only begun Me and my dad And the very big hill And the very big field of green And the beat And the very big kids Much bigger than me Sliding down the very big steep And the deep blue Sled with me And the rush of the wind As he runs after me In my very big jacket That suffocates me But it's better than freezing Here with my dad at the very big hill I've got a lot of plans for the future For now I'm growing and doing fine Mom says to hurry and do your homework We've got soccer practice at 5 (4,3,2) Months go by and the months they fly And we've got no time to waste In the haste of What gives us life Bones will break and muscles will ache And seasons come and go So we better kick it good While it's time Me and my mom And the sorta big hill And the sorta big field of green And the beat And the sorta big kids Sorta bigger than me And they're tryna take the ball from me And the mud keeps Crawling up me (Crawling up me) And the sting of the wind As she watches me fall And my sorta big head Would rather stay down But I get up just fine cause I'm Here with my mom at the sorta big hill I've got a lot of plans for the future (Years go by and the years go by and the years go by and the years) For now I'm small and you're all so big (Years go by and the years go by and the years go by and the years) Me and my parents And the not big hill (Not big hill) And the not big field of green And the beat And the not big kids Much smaller than me And I'm not sure whether they see That they measure in Not big minutes (Time goes by, time goes by) As they write their plans On their not big hands (Got no time to waste) As they walk through the park And I think for a minute of a month of a year I would ditch my plans for it all At the very big hill At the very big hill
2.
Bacteria 04:26
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Hello Can you come out to play? JK, that's not something I would say I barely walk out the door on a good day Hello What did you do today? The same, my head is up in flames It's been a while since I had a good break I'm always running around in my legs But inside I got nothing going on I tell myself to just pick up my head It can join in on the marathon My right side says to enjoy what I got My left side says not to get too comfortable I can't stand when they do that Gotta make 'em stand back They asked me How's it feel to be an adult now Question of the day now Think about how much I can get away with Ask me How's it feel to be an adult now Hurts just a little with a big regret But I guess I'm not dead yet Hello Have you opened your eyes? Surprise, you have trouble on the mind You haven't seen the big picture in a long time Hello Is it moving too fast? Too bad, get with it while you can There's tons of arms lending a hand A taller spine and ears to listen close A quick-talking mouth for my next excuse I try to break for it but then I stop right at the end Cause I just haven't learned how to choose Clock can't stop so I can't either It's unnerving to grow it all up One foot at a time's not easy But sometimes its enough They asked me How's it feel to be an adult now (How's it feel, how's it feel, how) (To be an adult now) Question of the day now Think about how much I can get away with Ask me How's it feel to be an adult now (How's it feel, how's it feel, how) (Does it get better from now) It's getting better, hurts a little less And I hope I'm not stuck yet Hello What did you do today? Was it great? Hello Can you come out to play? JK But today If I try a little harder Maybe I could find a way To break past my sense of complacency My mind is getting foggy And my energy's all out There's a point where there's nothing left but doubt But inside There's a pressure that I feel Am I pushing way too hard? My nerves are no longer steel If I need fulfillment it might be time for new criteria I just don't wanna die in my bacteria But today (Hello) If I try a little harder (Can you come out to play?) Maybe I could find a way (JK) To break past my sense of complacency (That's not something I would say) My mind is getting foggy (I barely walk out the door) And my energy's all out (On a good day) There's a point where there's nothing left but doubt But inside (Hello) There's a pressure that I feel (What did you do today?) Am I pushing way too hard? (The same) My nerves are no longer steel (My head is up in flames) If I need fulfillment it might be time for new criteria (It's been a while since I had a good break) I just don't wanna die in my bacteria
3.
Information Overload 03:25
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Information Overload God my brain is tired I wish it was empty but That's not how I'm wired Looking in the mirror is This what I desired How can one be filled with dreams And yet so uninspired Information Overload Pounding in my head So much left to do So I do nothing instead Looking at the future Was there something I misread Maybe I was wrong to hope for Peace up ahead Information Overload Sometimes I just freeze Thoughts about the next bring Me right to me knees All the possibilities Dead ends where they lead Information Overload Stop Just take a moment You're your own harshest opponent Doesn't matter how fast you're growing Don't ache Don't break Just take a second As the pulsing starts to deaden Walk away from armageddon Don't ache Don't break You're doing great Information Overload God my brain is tired I wish it was empty but That's not how I'm wired Looking in the mirror is This what I desired How can one be filled with dreams And yet so uninspired Information Overload Pounding in my head So much left to do So I do nothing instead Looking at the future Was there something I misread Maybe I was wrong to hope for Peace up ahead I toss and I turn As I wait for my mind to return From its journey Riding a mental gurney I'm burning my candle at both ends And the story I've penned Begins to overextend It's pages ending Energy spending But in the end I feel there's more to do But I don't have a clue How to shrink my field of view The idea overdoing Storm is brewing Stuck in the glue And I just want to sleep Tired of counting sheep Circadian rhythm is laughing at me My head is reeling Staring up at the ceiling But I feel the calm is coming back Finding the peace I lack In a cranial haystack It's a bit nerve-wracking Gotta get cracking Stay on track with comfort found in the yaw Plans are made as a guideline Not as a law No hem and hawing Or thoughtful longing Can you stop you drawing A lousy losing hand Go all in and make it grand Prepare for the energy pod crash-landing Nervous system standing still So I can try sorting out my mind Even if I am a little behind If the road is winding I'll keep finding Dopa-"mine" no matter what the information overload Information Overload God my brain is tired I wish it was empty but That's not how I'm wired Looking in the mirror is This what I desired How can one be filled with dreams And yet so uninspired Information Overload Sometimes I just freeze Thoughts about the next bring Me right to me knees All the possibilities Dead ends where they lead Information Overload Stop Just take a moment You're your own harshest opponent Doesn't matter how fast you're growing Don't ache Don't break Just take a second As the pulsing starts to deaden Walk away from armageddon Don't ache Don't break You're doing great (Concurrently as above) Information Overload Pounding in my head So much left to do So I do nothing instead Looking at the future Was there something I misread Maybe I was wrong to hope for Peace up ahead Information Overload God my brain is tired I wish it was empty but That's not how I'm wired Looking in the mirror is This what I desired How can one be filled with dreams And yet so uninspired
4.
Remember 04:43
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Put your good jeans on Get the shot glasses off the top shelf Pour one down, pour two down Venmo the cover to your friends No jackets now Got your ID, drinks on me It's time to hit the town Run to catch the bus Laugh with someone you'll never see again Missed our stop, run two blocks Don't throw away your cup If you gotta pee, don't Can you hold my hand I think I'm gonna throw up I don't even know you But tonight you're my best friend Can I get to know you Cause tomorrow I'll forget If it is a night to remember We won't remember it at all But I want to remember you I want to remember you I look at your smile I wish you were this happy all the time I want to remember you I want to remember you Stumble to the park Tell your friends that you love them This might be the last time We see the sun come up with each other so (We see the sun come up with each other so) I'm gonna be here with you when it finally does (Be here with you when it finally does) Tell me your worst fear I'll fight it off for you (I need it I want, I want it I got it) (You need it you want it, you want it you got it) I'm alone you are too But together there's nothing we can't do (Nothing that we can't do) And once we're done with that (And once we're done with that) We'll stop at McDonald's for round two (We'll go out for round two) I see the sun rising But tonight you're my best friend I've known you forever I don't want tonight to end If it is a night to remember We won't remember it at all But I want to remember you I want to remember you I look at your smile I wish you were this happy all the time I want to remember you I want to remember you I want to lose my voice in the dark of the night Screaming at the moon for shining out of spite I want to lose my voice in the dark of the night Screaming at the moon for shining out of spite If it is a night to remember We won't remember it at all (Not one bit) But I want to remember you I want to remember you I look at your smile I wish you were this happy all the time (All the time) I want to remember you I want to remember you (You)
5.
Gravity (The End of the Rainbow) 04:36
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Look back You've climbed pretty high now God your feet must hurt Time to say goodbye now You can't keep exerting everything on this What if you miss Trust me I felt the push Let yourself feel the pull Inevitable, irrevocable You've had quite the hot streak But Isaac said it best What goes up must come down It's like gravity At the end of the rainbow Like gravity (Gravity) At the end of the rainbow You've gotten so far but it's not far enough So I call your bluff The fall will be rough But later you'll thank me I'm just Trying to help out here You can go ahead The plunge will just get bigger It's your choice to keep shredding all the time you have On all the bad here That outweighs the good The good that comes to an end Inevitable, irrevocable You've had quite the hot streak But Isaac said it best What goes up must come down (Down, down, down, down, down) It's like gravity At the end of the rainbow Like gravity (When you fall, you fall hard) At the end of the rainbow You've had a good time but it's time to give up You're a grown-up The fall will be rough But it'll wake you up Gravity At the end of the rainbow It's gravity At the end of the rainbow Depravity Holds you tight and it shows But it's time for you now to let go Gravity At the end of the rainbow It's gravity At the end of the rainbow If you're asking me Then you gotta know If you're not then I pray gravity's kind And you ascend at allegro
6.
Meeting of the Emotions 04:34
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John: Alright everyone, it's that time of week again. Anxiety: Again? I don't like it. John: Don't worry Anxiety, it'll be fast this time. Anger: Will it, John? Last week this took two hours. Anxiety: I don't like it when he's angry. John: Well, he's not going to get angry. Right, anger? Because we're centering ourselves? Anger: Yeah, yeah, we're centering ourselves. Happiness: I personally am a big fan of the weekly centering. Anger: Yeah, you wouldn't be here, happiness, if he didn't keep re-centering himself. Happiness: Well, that's not true. Right, John? John: I'm...trying my hardest. Anxiety, where's depression? Anxiety: He's not coming today. Anger: Thank goodness. John: Well, looks like we're all- oops, nono. We still have to find doubt. Happiness: No thank you. Anger: *Ugh* Anxiety: Do we have to? Anger: This takes forever when doubt's here. John: Everyone. Everyone, everyone. Doubt's put in his time, just like the rest of you. Happiness: Too much time. Anger: He's always here. John: I...can't do anything about that. Anxiety: Well, I mean... John: Let's just go find him. *steps* John: Doubt? Doubt? *steps* John: Doubt what are you doing there in the corner? You know it's time for the centering. Doubt: I'm thinking about the things we could do better. John: What? Like what? Doubt: Do you remember those songs we wrote? I don't think we wanna release them. John: But we spent months on them. Doubt: Were those months we wasted? John: Why do you think we wasted that time? We were doing what we loved. Doubt: But will anybody else even like them? John: We don't *do* it for everybody else. Doubt: Do we *do* anything of worth anymore? Anger: And so the next two hours begins. John: Yeah, doubt I really don't wanna do this with you again. Doubt: Again? I knew you didn't like me. I knew nobody liked us. John: Stop that. Anxiety: That's not your job doubt. Happiness: You need to be more positive. Anger: We have this conversation every week, I swear. Doubt: We're never gonna get out of here. John: What? Doubt: Never gonna be happy. Anxiety: Do you think that's true? John: Stop that! Happiness: Everyone, leave him alone. Anger: Nothing's worse than a mind that pulls you back for fear of failure. Anxiety: Is that what you think we do? John: I- Anxiety: Will you keep trying? John: Uncurl your toes. Anger: He doesn't have the guts. John: Unclench your fists. Happiness: He's doing the best he can. John: Untighten your jaw. John: I know I can do it, and you're just gonna have to let me. Happiness: We can't stop you from doing anything. You're the one that stops yourself when you use us as excuses to never do things. John: But, isn't that what you're for? For me to listen to you and for you to tell me what to do? Anger: We're here, and yeah you listen to us, but you can't let us control everything and your entire life. Happiness: There's a whole world out there to see! John: *laughs*. The world. What if it's not what I expect? Anxiety: It's not going to be. So just let it happen. John: I don't want it to just "happen." I want it to be perfect. Doubt: Will we ever stop being so overdramatic? John: It's not drama, it's how I feel. You're my feelings. Why can't you help me with this? Anger: Because you're not feeling, you're doing the opposite. You're blocking us out. Happiness: And there's still so much out there for you. Stuff that we could do together. John: So then, if there's still so much out there for me, why don't I feel happy? Why don't I feel, Happiness? Happiness: Because you've run out of excuses. It'll never be perfect. It's time to just let it happen.
7.
Virgo 05:03
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Perfect When I first heard it The thought was absurd That a word Could have stirred in me Such misery Come follow me Complex Reading the mindset Hitting rewind To the time When behind me was Nothing to see Come follow me My mind It goes places only I see And hears things that only I know My heart It goes everywhere I can be And it never wishes to let go (Never wishes to let go) I try to be dedicated because I don't want them to have hated me but No matter what happens it's never enough It never surpasses the thought that it has to be Perfect When I first heard it The thought was absurd That a word Could have stirred in me Such misery But I've been Thinking (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) Mental binge drinking (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) Over the present The past (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) And the words that were said Interlinking (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) Now I'm stuck In a (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) Tired enigma (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) A flawless idea Was flawed (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) By the means of astronomical Stigma (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) You say I'm a Virgo (Virgo) (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) When you first said so (When you first said so) (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) The thought was absurd That a word (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) Could have focused so directly On me (I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) So come follow And my friends, oh my friends They grew up to become doctors and scientists and happy While I just sit here trying to make everything work perfectly But I will not feel bad for the things it's brought For the heart it's beat for the mind it's wrought For the bad choices that I've made so far If I can't find perfect then I'll just Blame it on the stars I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it I need it, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it I'm not done yet, can I tell you a little secret that I have to share I never said that perfect would make me happy (What will then dear John) It just sits there So once you reach it What's left? (Can you keep up, can you keep up) Keep up I try to keep up I could spent all my life Sprinting so hard that the flaws never catch up But it'll never be enough without Perfect When I first heard it The thought was absurd that a word Could have stirred in me such misery Don't follow me Don't follow me In I breathe and Out I blow the Mystery of Never knowing There's no peace Without frustration Happiness is Your creation In I breathe and Out I blow the Mystery of Never knowing There's no peace Without frustration Perfection is Your creation
8.
Wiggles 04:05
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How've you been kid Ain't it funny The brain it wiggles The devil giggles It's for the best kid You ain't no dummy But keep it civil When you're feeling little Early night to bed Don't you hit your head Rather I'd be dead Can you pass the bread Have it till the end Yeah that's what I said And entirely Not one Drop of alcohol Movie theater hall If the lights are all Up and down what a Horrid nasty fall Someone could befall Maybe there's a small Loophole Eating all your Your vegetables Practice your instrument Learning how to swim But you wonder if it's gonna help one bit Keeping track of everything you lost It'll cost a minute of your time And I'm not sure you have what it takes So pump the brakes How've you been kid Ain't it funny The brain it wiggles The devil giggles It's for the best kid You ain't no dummy But keep it civil When you're feeling little How've you been kid Ain't it funny The brain it wiggles The devil giggles It's for the best kid You ain't no dummy But keep it civil When you're feeling little Trust me it's been quite the adventure Been some time there's new architecture now What did you find in the mail today It might be something that doesn't work anyway I don't share well But maybe I can learn so then While I'm falling up on my heady Taking the stage is Eddy Clarinetty 1 At home and 2 At work and 3 At school and 4 Well why worry 3 I'm losing 2 If I can't be choosing 1 So then who wins How've you been kid Ain't it funny The brain it wiggles The devil giggles It's for the best kid You ain't no dummy But keep it civil When you're feeling little How've you been kid Ain't it funny The brain it wiggles The devil giggles It's for the best kid You ain't no dummy But keep it civil When you're feeling little (Round) Yellow, blue, red These are the colors of the pills inside my head Purple is the color of the next instead And he might as well have me braindead (Stay hydrated) (Let's do it in a round) (It's okay to be scared) (But I keep it all loud) How've you been kid Ain't it funny The brain it wiggles The devil giggles It's for the best kid You ain't no dummy But keep it civil When you're feeling little (But I keep it all loud) How've you been kid Ain't it funny The brain it wiggles The devil giggles It's for the best kid You ain't no dummy But keep it civil When you're feeling little
9.
Suburban Child 05:06
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In a room in a house in a town Where the grass only grows as fast as The time goes by You never have to mow the lawn I'm surrounded by constant signs That I better get out quick and Do it while I got luck Or my duck won't turn into a swan That's a lie that's a lie that's a massive lie But they keep on pushing it all they can Pit the young against the old The beautiful against the bold Over my head and (Over my head) Under the world and (Under the world) Grasslands all around me Look at all I thought I'd have done by now Why bother keep on trying In my heart there's peace In my mind there's war Will I find what I need Will I ever be more Than a suburban child Haven't ventured out Since the start of it all Guess I feel some shame Being stuck with the call Of the suburban wild Always said I'd go And never look back But I've been here a bit And it's not so bad To be a suburban child In my heart there's peace In my mind there's war Will I find what I need Will I ever be more Than a suburban child In the grand scheme of it I've actually grown quite a bit And I'm more of a suburban adult The result I've lost my sense of progress It was easier to see the advance With a plethora of hands Working towards the same goal as me Now you see It's just me and my parents and stress I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a shooting star And I'm reaching the end of my burnout There's almost nothing left That doesn't mean I won't push it to the end Outside my head and (Outside my head) Inside the world and (Inside the world) Grasslands all around me Look at all I thought I'd have done by now Why bother keep on trying In my heart there's peace In my mind there's war Will I find what I need Will I ever be more Than a suburban child I've been learning to breathe Inhale on the pause Exhale cause I'll miss this When I'm no longer A suburban child Got a brain in my head Got feet in shoes Not worried about the direction I choose After suburban child There'll always be peace There'll always be war Opening up the door Cause I know that there's more There's an art to it all Finding peace in the days Where the dreams still dance And at night they fade As a suburban child (Finding my own sun ray) And when I wake up I do it all again But I find a smile And I try from then To just be suburban child (Why pull when I can push anyway I can) Thoughts drowning at sea Swimming against the groove So instead I swam up To sit back and cruise On the S.S. Suburban Child (And I'll sail as fast as I want) (I need, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) (I need, I want it, I'm running 'till I got it) One day I'll be old And reflect on my fears Realize my greatest peace was here Signed dearly Suburban Child Ask me what comes next Well I don't know why I look down my road And there's no clear sign It's just me Suburban child I'm ready for peace I'm ready for war I'm ready for the day that I become more Than a suburban child

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released August 23, 2021

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John Greska Chicago, Illinois

"Every flower, every grain of sand, is reaching out to shake my hand." - Spongebob

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